Mommy Guilt

I have been a mother for 9 plus years...counting pregnancy and this is something that I really struggled with. Mommy quilt, that terms means to me feeling guilty about time away, money spent or feelings of not good enough. I became a mother at a really young age and as parent I have grown just like I have as a person. We all do this throughout life we grow, adapt, change, grow some more....it continually!

I read an article about 2+ months ago and it really impacted/inspired my perspective on Mommy Guilt and wanted to share it with all the Mommy's out there.

The article was:

Getting Over Guilt 

The Good Things Guilt Can Do

By: Caryn Rivadeneira 

Also author of 

Found in PartentLife Magazine

www.lifeway.com

In this article it read.....

I had never contended that mommy (or daddy) guilt was something that we should "kick" or be done with. Instead, that guilt is something that God uses to do big work in our lives. God uses guilt to point us towards the important " G's".

In her book she has a Three G Test, these Three G's can help you process your guilt. What are the 3 G's??

 the article continues to read...

1) Gifts - One of the moms in my daughter's kindergarten class makes me feel like a huge slacker. Not on purpose, of course. She is a nice woman. But she also happens to be one of those incredibly thoughtful and creative moms when it comes to teacher gifts or party invitations. So every time I see her with a beautiful bouquet for the teacher or when I open a pink-quilted party invite, guilt zaps me. In those moments, I think that if I were a good mom, I too would bring flowers to the teacher and make homemade invites. I do neither.

         If you took some time to think of words that describe a good mom, you might find a lot of things you feel you are good at. And yet, even with all the things you are good at, which things do you focus on the most?? The ones you are not good at, of course?

         Moms tend to focus too much guilt on stuff they are simply not "gifted" at. It is not because I am "lazy" or "bad" that I am not creative with crafts or organized, but because that is just not how God wired me. I can spend a lot of time wallowing in guilt over how God did not make me or trying to become a mom I am not, I can focus on the mom God made me to be and the many gifts and abilities that He gave me.

2) Growth - Of Course, not all the items on that "good mom" list are arbitrary. So when you feel guilty because you are not being particularly loving or wise, your guilt is going to come in handy. For example, on some days I may be able to laugh off the idea that a good mom is good home manager, but other days my guilt about the crazy state of my house is well-founded. While I'm not a naturally "gifted" homemaker, I cannot use that as an excuse to let my kids rule the roost. So when I feel guilty because my home in slinking into mismanaged chaos, it is a signal to work on or grow in an area of my life. 

          The things that guilt prods you to work on my be small ( like being better about putting laundry away) or hug (like seeking treatment for a compulsion) or anything in between. It might mean minor tweaks in your life or huge changes. No matter what it entails, this growth-promoting guilt needs to be steeped in prayer and held fast within a trusted community. You cannot do it alone.

3) Grace- The best thing I have learned about guilt is this: No Matter how much I mess up, how guilty I feel or how much growing I have to do, God offers grace. It wows me ever time. Can you imagine a life without grace? Can you imagine parenting without grace? I cannot! But you also cannot experience grace without guilty. Guilt will never be something that I kick- at least this side of heaven. And as a mom, I will continue to mess up - no matter how hard I try. But when I go to God, ask for his forgiveness, and ask for Him to work on me and give me strength, He does. 

           and the article ends saying...Letting your guilt guide you toward your gifts, towards growth, and into the grace of God allows you to parent confident in who and how God mad you to be.

Her Book :

Mama's God a Fake I.D.: How to Reveal the Real You Behind All That Mom

You can get it here: http://www.amazon.com/Mamas-Got-Fake-I-D-Reveal/dp/1400074932

Looks like a great read for all us moms!!

For me this article made me think twice before I beat myself up or get lazy...I ask myself why am I really feeling this guilt and that brings awareness or Grace to my life. As mothers we have to juggle many things, our emotional health and understanding ourselves is beneficial to really loving ourselves the way God made us and being a great in all aspects of our lives!